Late in the evening of September 12th , a reporter with the AP news network was in a bathroom of the West Wing when President Biden accidentally summoned the decaying body of Abraham Lincoln into said bathroom while trying to remember the words to the national anthem.
Claudia Stipend, a reporter with the AP, recounts the event: 鈥淚 was pretty surprised. I was taking care of my business when there was a cacophonous pop followed by a shrieking scream and suddenly a zombie in a top hat stood in front of me.鈥�
It鈥檚 fairly well acknowledged that President Biden鈥攂eing the oldest president in history, sometimes has significant issues remembering things. It鈥檚 even been suggested by other interested political parties that Biden may have dementia, or worse, early stages of Alzheimer鈥檚 disease. However, no other president to date has ever summoned a long-dead former president by accidentally saying words in the incorrect order.
鈥淚t took a few seconds for us both to stop screaming,鈥� continues Stipend. 鈥淭he Secret Service was hammering on the door within moments but President Lincoln was standing against the door so they couldn鈥檛 get in.鈥�
Shockingly, further reports explain that it only took about ten minutes for the situation to calm down and for President Lincoln to compose himself.
鈥淲ell, you just never think you鈥檙e gonna meet Lincoln, ya know?鈥� President Biden reportedly exclaimed.
Unfortunately, being a Civil War era zombie president accidentally summoned from an ancient grave has its downsides as Lincoln left much of his decaying remains in a trail around the White House as he was led on a guided tour.
When asked what the two presidents talked about before Lincoln inevitably dissolved into a puddle of bones and flesh, Stipend had this to say:
鈥淗e didn鈥檛 like the d茅cor of the White House. Spent the entire time critiquing it.鈥�